I’ve always been disappointed that Spiderman doesn’t shoot webbing out his ass like a real spider does. I defy you to watch any Spiderman movie and tell me it wouldn’t be vastly more entertaining that way, albeit kinda gross.
A post on my Facebook feed reminded me of this disappointment, and since I’ve got no idea what to write about and I haven’t posted in a while, I figured what the hell, why not spread my bad idea around a little further. I even illustrated it. The illustration sucks, due to being rushed, but thems the breaks. I’m also going to cheat and simply cut and paste what I posted in response on Facebook.
It is especially enjoyable to imagine ass-webbing as he wraps criminals up in it. I bet crime would decrease significantly if there was a high likelihood that committing said crime would have you end up coated in a sticky mass of ass-splooge from some guy in spandex.
I’ve re-written the theme song to be more appropriate:
Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can,
Spins a web, out his ass,
Sticks to chairs, when he has gas!
Here comes the Spiderman!
Is he strong?
He’s got webbing shootin’ out his butt.
Can he swing from a thread?
Take a look over head.
There goes the Spiderman!
In the chill of the night,
At the scene of the crime,
Like a streak of light,
He swings in by his behind.
Friendly neighbourhood Spiderman,
Wealth and fame,
TP is his reward.
To him, life is a great big bang up
Whenever there’s a hang up
You’ll find the Spider man.
I couldn’t come up with any alternates from some parts. *sad panda face*