If Spiderman Were More Like an Actual Spider.

I’ve always been disappointed that Spiderman doesn’t shoot webbing out his ass like a real spider does. I defy you to watch any Spiderman movie and tell me it wouldn’t be vastly more entertaining that way, albeit kinda gross.

A post on my Facebook feed reminded me of this disappointment, and since I’ve got no idea what to write about and I haven’t posted in a while, I figured what the hell, why not spread my bad idea around a little further. I even illustrated it. The illustration sucks, due to being rushed, but thems the breaks. I’m also going to cheat and simply cut and paste what I posted in response on Facebook.

It is especially enjoyable to imagine ass-webbing as he wraps criminals up in it. I bet crime would decrease significantly if there was a high likelihood that committing said crime would have you end up coated in a sticky mass of ass-splooge from some guy in spandex.

I’ve re-written the theme song to be more appropriate:

Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can,
Spins a web, out his ass,
Sticks to chairs, when he has gas!
Look out!
Here comes the Spiderman!

Is he strong?
Listen bud,
He’s got webbing shootin’ out his butt.
Can he swing from a thread?
Take a look over head.
Hey there!
There goes the Spiderman!

In the chill of the night,
At the scene of the crime,
Like a streak of light,
He swings in by his behind.

Spiderman, Spiderman,
Friendly neighbourhood Spiderman,
Wealth and fame,
He’s ignored,
TP is his reward.

To him, life is a great big bang up
Whenever there’s a hang up
You’ll find the Spider man.

I couldn’t come up with any alternates from some parts. *sad panda face*


I used two references from deviantArt:


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