Cat Coat

As I’m sure most of you know, it’s holy flying fucking cold. I have a fairly large, fairly open concept home. It’s cold…. really really REALLY cold. I have my boiler running and I have space heaters in my room, with both going at full power, they manage to heat the room to a toasty 60F. In order to combat the cold and survive in these hostile conditions, I intend to make a cat coat.

Here’s how:

Step 1 – Round up cats, start with fluffy one first, so she doesn’t get tipped off by the disappearance of her henchmen. Move on to whitey, best to get the evil ones first. Bastard next, being a slut he shouldn’t be too difficult. Then Tubby, should be very easy, just bring food. And finally Methuselah, the easiest, she just follows me.

Step 2 – Acquire two men’s housecoats, one size xl, one size medium.

Step 3 – Sew edges of house coats to each other.

Step 4 – Make five slits in outer housecoats at spread out points, sew bottom three sides to make pockets.

Step 5 – Go to kitty stash & insert kitties in the pockets.

And there you have it, my cat coat!

Speaking of cats, I had a dream once, I had struck it rich with a revolutionary new invention! I dreamt that I had developed a cure for that sorta bald spot that cats have in front of their ears. How that made me rich I cannot possibly imagine, I might as well have been an underpants gnome. Still, I was happy in dreamland… then I woke up. I was disappointed the instant I realized it was dream, but that was swept swiftly from my mind by the thought, “How the flying hell would I make money from a cat baldness cure?”

I have no idea what this guy is singing, but I can tell you what it sounds like. Sounds like he’s saying “dadadachop” then illegible gibberish, then “Public transit, fo toast with tea, blossay glosssss, free points for AA, carpet lining, seestree climbing” If anyone else can figure that shit out, be sure to tell me.


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