Dear Stupid People – Automotive Edition

1. You see how there’s a car ahead of me? Climbing on top of MY ass will not make HIM go faster. And trust me when I tell you; I do not believe in “paying it forward” when it comes to tailgating, so I’m not going to attempt to rear end him for you by proxy.

2. Hydroplaning sounds more fun than it is. Especially at 120 km/h or more on the highway. I admit though, in an immense and empty parking lot, I might thoroughly enjoy it.

3. It is generally expected that you look BEFORE you start to change lanes, and not after you’ve just nearly sideswiped me.

4. I don’t know what the laws are in your land but in mine, you are legally required to allow traffic on highway entrances to merge; by either slowing down enough to give them space, OR by switching lanes.

Oh wait.

You seem to have plates from the same place as me.

5. This is not a rousing game of musical speed limits. Pick one and stick with it.

6. You know what’s awesome? Being stuck behind a “coaster” who travels @ 10 under the limit on a flat surface. 30 under on an uphill and 30 over on the downslope. By awesome I mean the extent of my aggravation.

7. “Passing Lane” Not just an amusing name!

8. If I, or one of my fellow going-faster-than-you compatriots attempts to pass you, don’t speed up so that we cannot; only to slow right back down to your original speed should we be forced to concede victory to you in the great race to douchebaggery. Honestly, why the hell do you assholes do this?

9. “This lane ends in 500M” is not an invitation to scoot up it as far as possible so as to get ahead of everybody else when traffic is heavy. (Even though you could have far more easily, and less assholishly merged further back.) Double shithead points for leaving an appropriate spot you already took up in the through-lane so you can cut everyone else off, because apparently your time is just so much more important than the everyone else’s.

The traffic speed wouldn’t be so poor if it weren’t for idiots cutting in and forcing the whole line behind them to hit the brakes abruptly because they don’t really have the space in those conditions to merge smoothly.

10. Slowing to below the speed limit is not required every time you see a police car.

11. Putting your turn signal on when you’ve already reached almost a complete stop, is right next to useless. Same with when you’re already completely in a marked turning lane. We’ve already figured out that you’re turning now, the signal does not assist us anymore in making any driving-related corrections.

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