When Flies Attack!!! *cue terror & mayhem*

Or just crawl into your ear, ’cause that’s pretty damned shitty too. Will it surprise you if I tell you I know by experience? Why do these things happen to me? Am I a bad person? Is it karma? Well no matter, moving long…

I was laying in bed, one ear on the pillow the other up to the open air. Out of nowhere a housefly comes buzzing by my head. I of course did what everyone does; I swatted my hand across my ear. That was the wrong thing to do. I waved the fly right into my ear, I could feel it buzzing… in my head.

It took a couple moments to sink in. I had a fly in my ear. Inside. My. Ear! It had to come out, it had to come out RIGHT FUCKING NOW. So I go running through the house shrieking “GET IT OUT!!” over and over, whilst flinging my head about and whacking the opposite side of my head in the hopes of forcing the fly out. I got desperate, I stuck my finger nail in to try to drag it out. I got a leg, a single leg.

A single, solitary, little black fly leg…

Somehow this was the most horrifying moment of all. Any tenuous grip I had on my fragile psyche was instantly severed, causing me to shriek and wail incoherently with the odd “OOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT” thrown in for good measure. My boyfriend at the time couldn’t take it anymore, and he sucked it out.

I really did say he sucked it out… It barely makes up for his being such a prick, but I think a normal person would have gotten a free lifetime’s worth of good karma.

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