AMA – Regional Managers, Stupid People, Crazy Closet

Longtime listener, first time caller. How do I get the owner of the company I work for to understand what the word region means? I have given him the definition, examples, and drawn a chart showing him how the word region would apply in a company. He does not get what a regional manager is. I am at my wits end, and want to punch him in the nads. Please help.

Tits McGee

ETA: Another question. If I have 2 identical industrial strength fans and place one at each end of my hallway, facing each other, will a tornado form in the center of my hallway?

Sweet Tits,

How does someone get to be owner of a company without understanding the term “region”? Especially a company large enough to require regional managers? I never believed in magic, but this might just change my mind as I can think of no logical explanation.

Perhaps if you junk punch him some fairy dust will puff out and you can share in the enchantment. Or you could lose your job and possibly be arrested. Who knows?

If you try it, and you do infact partake of said fairy dust, could you loan me enough money to buy 2 industrial strength fans? I’d like to do some investigating for your second query.

If you could throw in an excessively small girl, a miniature farm house, and a black cairn terrier that would be great! Oh! And a flying monkey or 2!


How do i keep from punching someone in the head that really needs it? I don’t want to go to jail but my will to not punch is eroding.


Nellington my dear,

That my dear is an excellent question, one on which I am probably not the best to seek advice from. My own will in that regard is eroding quickly; just one of many reasons I am mostly a hermit. It’s easier to avoid than suppress that particular desire.

And there are so SO many who beg for a good punch to the head! The bastards are EVERYWHERE. They’re at the grocery store blocking the shit I want to reach. They’re on the street driving like dickfaces! They’re walking down the sidewalk arguing so loudly I can hear them in my basement. They’re on review sites writing shit that’s completely irrelevant to the product on which I am looking for opinions. When I worked in an office they were there stealing my desk plant’s potting soiling and eating my desk snacks. And yes, I totally shit you not about the potting soil! They’re at the mall talking in overly large groups spread out so as to take up the whole bloody aisle!



Why does Justin Bieber has a perfume for sale in Nordstrom? WTF?

Curiously yours,


I read your question and decided I must drink wine before responding. So I did, and now I have to pee.

Justin Bieber has a perfume for sale because the world abhors people like you and I, my dear. Yes I know, that you and me is technically more correct, but you and I sounds far more classy, don’t you think?

Where was I? Oh yes, civilization as we know it hates us, hates us with the passion of the Christ. Remember when Mel Gibson was still in the crazy closet? Where was DADT for THAT I ask you? Someone shove that motherfucker back in, Lethal Weapon was less tainted for me then. Mad Max had less potential connotations.

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